5 ways to support your selective eater during the Christmas holidays
Christmas tables are laden with lots of festive foods – turkey and cranberry sauce, ham on the bone, roast vegetables, fruit cake, pavolova, or freshly picked strawberries to name a few. While this has many of us salivating, it’s enough to send shivers down the spine of those families with a selective eater or a child with ARFID.
Families might be struggling with mealtimes or getting their child to eat a range of foods. And this can be heightened even more over the holiday season when families come together to share a meal. As we’re asking children who are already struggling to eat a variety of foods, to go outside of their comfort zone and eat traditional festive foods that are only presented to them once a year, and that’s a lot to ask.
The good news is that these families aren’t alone and there are steps we can take to help reduce the anxiety and frustration around food, especially over the holiday period.
1. Stay relaxed around mealtimes. It’s ok if your child doesn’t enjoy all the festive foods, especially if it is a once a year food. Don’t put any pressure on your child to eat the special foods offered. They will try it if they feel safe and ready. We know that children are more likely to try something if they don’t have the added layer of pressure or expectations. Be mindful of the words that you are using around food and try to keep it factual and cut all of the emotional descriptions that we tend to use for food. I would like to encourage you to prioritise having a relaxed meal over any thoughts of obedience or power struggle.
2. Provide “safe foods”. Turkey, ham, brussel sprouts or roast vegetables may not be your child’s current safe food. So it would be important to ensure that your child has some safe foods offered at each mealtime, even if the rest of the table are eating other foods. This is also a great time for food exposure to new foods, but remember to place no expectations on your child to eat these new foods. Christmas is not the time to implement feeding therapy at the festive table but rather a time to enjoy being together.
3. Eat together. Use this time to eat meals together and demonstrate positive food experiences to your child. Shared mealtimes and experiences are more than just about the food. You may find that serving the food from a seperate table or kitchen island can encourage your child to remain at the dinner table with you, as there would be less sensory experiences that they need to process and they may feel less overwhelmed by having the food out of sight.
4. Involve your child. Involve your child in preparing the special foods for your family and friends, but let them tell you if it’s too much for them to cope with. As we often talk about in feeding therapy, involving your child is no guarantee that they will try the food, but it is involving them in the process and the experience.
5. Set expectations of family and friends. Inform your guests or people you may visit that your child is challenged by eating a range of foods and that it’s best that no one puts pressure on them. It’s best to set the expectations on how you would like your child treated prior to the event. We all know that family and friends are well meaning, but their “help” isn’t always that helpful. We have talked about the stigma that families of children with ARFID often experience, and Christmas should not be one of these times that this occurs. Take a look at an old blog of ours about this very topic.
Christmas does not need to be all about the dinner table, especially for children who have selective eating. So I would recommend that you don’t use Christmas as a time to ask your child to try new foods, sometimes they might surprise you and at random pick up a new food and try it but this may or may not happen. Your selective eater wants to enjoy Christmas as much as you and I do, so maybe this year is a great time to create some non-food traditions that can focus on your family enjoying Christmas without the stress of the festive meal.
Have a very Merry Christmas and happy New Year. I will see you all in 2019 for more feeding tips for your selective eater.
If you are interested in finding out more about feeding therapy for your child, or would like an assessment of their feeding I would love to hear from you. You can contact me through Sprouts OT or the New Zealand Eating Disorders Clinic.
This has also been adapted and published online for Tots to Teens
Please remember that this advice is sharing ideas about alternative ways to introduce foods in your child’s restrictive diet. I am not a doctor or dietitian, therefore if you have any specific medical concerns I encourage you to speak to your doctor or dietitian about what your child’s specific nutritional needs may be.